SHIPLOUDROAST MY APPShipLoud is the marketing co-founder for vibecoders. Paste your app URL: get a brutal free Roast in minutes, a done-for-you launch in 72 hours, then marketing that runs every week while you code.
$ shiploud roast https://yourapp.com
01 / THE AUTOPSY
7 months building. $4 earned. The single most quoted post-mortem in vibe-coding. PainIndex Vibe Coder Report, 2026
81% of dead side projects had zero acquisition plan. Landing page. Product Hunt post. Hope. Indie Hackers, 50-project autopsy
100,000+ apps ship per day from AI builders. The average one gets approximately zero visits. Lovable public stats
~90% of MVPs die of user drought. Not bad code. 2026 MVP analysis
You don't have a code problem.
You have a distribution problem.
02 / THE FIX
STEP 1 · FREE · 3 MINUTES
Paste your URL. We run the autopsy: positioning score, landing-copy critique, channel fit, an honest signup forecast, and a preview of your 90-day plan. Rendered as a share card built for X, because a good roast is attention, and attention is the point.
Get the autopsy
STEP 2 · $199 · 72 HOURS
The Launch Kit: full brand kit, your landing page rewritten for conversion and deployed to your Vercel, a launch film plus 10 shorts, 30 days of approval-gated content in your voice, a staged 50-directory blast, and Product Hunt kits sequenced for when they actually work. Done for you. Every dollar credits toward your subscription.
Book my launch
STEP 3 · $49/MO · ALWAYS ON
The Growth Engine markets while you code: build-in-public drafts written in your voice, SEO pages we build and host for you, activation emails, and a Monday Traction Report with real numbers against honest benchmarks. Approve everything from your phone in 15 minutes a week. Nothing auto-posts. Nothing touches your codebase.
Turn it on03 / THE ARSENAL
One screen recording in. Ten platform-native shorts out, every week: different hooks, captions, ratios, voiceovers. No copy-tool competitor ships video at all. We ship it at near-zero cost, and it is the channel that actually moves consumer apps.
Not pricing advice. Tiers set to the data ($29 to $49, not fear-priced $9), a hosted checkout wired to your Stripe, activation emails. Live the same day, no code changes.
We re-roast your app every month. Your dashboard charts positioning, hook, and channel fit climbing as you ship the fixes. Progress you can screenshot; receipts you can post.
Two to three pages a week, written, hosted, and wired by us. Built to rank for humans and get cited by AI answers, which is where search went. Zero code changes on your side.
Every Monday: what shipped, what converted, what changes next week. Real numbers against honest benchmarks, formatted to share. Receipts, weekly.
100 apps. 100 days. Public autopsies of real shipped apps, posted daily. Volunteer yours: a roast is attention, and attention is free marketing. This is how you'll find us on X.
04 / PRICING
$0
$199 one-time
MOST BUILDERS
$49/mo · $39 annual
$99/mo · $79 annual
$999/mo
SKIN IN THE GAME: broke but shipping? Take 50% off any tier and give us 5% of tracked new revenue for 12 months, capped at 3x the discount. We only win when you get paid.
05 / FAQ
The assets are AI-made; the strategy layer is the product. Everything is voice-matched to how you actually write, approval-gated (nothing posts without your thumb), and measured in a weekly report with real numbers. Slop is unmeasured volume. This is the opposite.
This brand, this site, and the pipeline behind the form were built with the same engine we sell. We are customer zero, and our own Monday Traction Reports go public. Judge the work you're looking at.
Honest numbers up front: a no-audience Product Hunt launch gets 10 to 30 signups, a featured one 10 to 150. Compounding channels (SEO, video, community) take weeks, not days. We forecast before you pay, and you can pause anytime. If a vendor promises you virality, close the tab.
Week 6, not day 1. 89% of surveyed PH founders wouldn't launch there again, because they went in cold. We sequence it after directories, community seeding, and a content flywheel, so the launch lands on warmed-up attention.
No. Default is fully hands-off: pages we host, drafts you approve, a checkout we wire from the outside. You paste a URL; we do the rest. If you ever want commit-aware content there's an optional read-only connect, and it never writes a byte to your code.
Finish shipping. We only market things that exist. Drop your email with any URL (even a repo) and we'll roast you on day one.
$ shiploud roast · free · 3 minutes · brutal